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| Author | Vanoord's a Joke |
Vanoord Joined: 28/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:33:49 Reply | Quote Friday's joke comes care of the Old Jokes Home: Q: What's got three wheels and drives along the bottom of the riverbed? A: A motorpike and sidecarp. -- Herein lives the signature of vanoord... IP: 81.148.18.102 |
Captain Scarlet Joined: 07/03/2007 Location: The Cumbrian Underground View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:37:18 Reply | Quote Ah Dear ..... Someone should come and throw stones at you !! -- 'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !' IP: 195.8.188.42 |
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Vanoord Joined: 28/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:41:34 Reply | Quote Just for you Nimrod: A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain,they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,"But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." -- Herein lives the signature of vanoord... IP: 81.148.18.102 |
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Captain Scarlet Joined: 07/03/2007 Location: The Cumbrian Underground View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:47:23 Reply | Quote  Thats Awfull.. . Here... Harry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Betty that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Harry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I have only 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Betty agreed and again they made love. Later, Harry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Betty's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Harry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Harry, I'm not being funny...but, I have to get up in the morning and you don't." -- 'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !' IP: 195.8.188.42 |
LAP Joined: 04/02/2007 Location: Somewhere between Carnforth/Carn-Ffyrdd, and Milnthorpe. View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 09/06/2007 20:06:57 Reply | Quote Totally evil... -- CROESO IP: 84.64.190.110 |
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Vanoord Joined: 28/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 17:13:37 Reply | Quote Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who went to a toga party dressed as a goat? -- Herein lives the signature of vanoord... IP: 81.130.141.115 |
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Captain Scarlet Joined: 07/03/2007 Location: The Cumbrian Underground View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 18:05:46 Reply | Quote Two fish in a tank. One says to the other : "Flippin' 'eck, I can't drive this ! " -- 'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !' IP: 81.155.180.138 |
Barney Joined: 01/12/2005 Location: Warwickshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 19:50:27 Reply | Quote Heard in a convent: "Candles out girls ... " Shluuuuurp POP  -- A hole's a goal! IP: 86.148.210.232 |
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Barney Joined: 01/12/2005 Location: Warwickshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 19:52:23 Reply | Quote Vanoord wrote: Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who went to a toga party dressed as a goat? Would this be the same bloke that choked and died on his own vimto ??? -- A hole's a goal! IP: 86.148.210.232 |
SimonRL Joined: 27/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 19:59:55 Reply | Quote Barney wrote: Vanoord wrote: Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who went to a toga party dressed as a goat? Would this be the same bloke that choked and died on his own vimto ??? And took up devil worship and sold his soul to santa? -- Excellent Stuff! IP: 62.136.159.48 |
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Barney Joined: 01/12/2005 Location: Warwickshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 20:33:48 Reply | Quote And became a pimp and bought a warehouse ! -- A hole's a goal! IP: 86.148.210.232 |
stevem Joined: 21/08/2006 Location: Wirral View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 08:30:36 Reply | Quote And the dyslexic insomniac agnostic who stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog  -- If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory. IP: 192.171.196.149 |
merddinemrys Joined: 13/03/2006 Location: Barmouth View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 08:32:32 Reply | Quote God guys! Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff Ba-dum. Chh IP: 86.145.82.102 |
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Barney Joined: 01/12/2005 Location: Warwickshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 10:26:21 Reply | Quote Taxi for Merddinemrys please! -- A hole's a goal! IP: 86.148.210.232 |
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Captain Scarlet Joined: 07/03/2007 Location: The Cumbrian Underground View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 11:00:18 Reply | Quote One for Barney  A routine police patrol parked outside a pub in Glasgow. After last orders the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the wipers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the car park empty, he pulled away and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and approached the car carrying a breathalyzer test kit. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the station. My equipment must be broken." "I doubt it", said the truly proud Glaswegian,"tonight officer, I'm the designated decoy." -- 'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !' IP: 195.8.188.42 |
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Barney Joined: 01/12/2005 Location: Warwickshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 11:17:34 Reply | Quote Excellent! -- A hole's a goal! IP: 86.148.210.232 |
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Vanoord Joined: 28/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/06/2007 12:11:58 Reply | Quote A penguin walks into a bar, and says to the barman, "My brother was in here earlier, have you seen him?" The barman replies, "I don't know. What does he look like?" -- Herein lives the signature of vanoord... IP: 81.136.53.22 |
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Barney Joined: 01/12/2005 Location: Warwickshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/06/2007 12:14:42 Reply | Quote Vanoord wrote: A penguin walks into a bar, And breaks his beak! -- A hole's a goal! IP: 86.148.210.232 |
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Vanoord Joined: 28/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/06/2007 19:41:05 Reply | Quote 3 ducks are sitting by a pond One says 'quack' The second says 'I was just going to say that' The third one says '**** me, talking ducks' -- 'Finally someone with some sense and knowledge posting on these boards' - 'You shouldn't be on this forum, far too sensible and intelligent' - 'Great post Vanoord. Best read of the day.' - 'Nicely put together there Vanoord.' This can mean only one thing: Vanoord is utterly delusional IP: 81.136.53.22 Edited: 15/06/2007 19:41:48 by Vanoord |
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merddinemrys Joined: 13/03/2006 Location: Barmouth View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 16/06/2007 22:28:01 Reply | Quote A guy walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for chocolate ice cream. The clerk says "I'm sorry. We're all out of chocolate. Would you like another flavor?" So, the guy says, "Ok. I'll have chocolate." The clerk says, "Look, I told you that we don't have any left. Pick another flavor." So, the guy says, "I want chocolate ice cream, not anything else. Give me some." So, the clerk says "I told you: We done have any more. Try something else." So, the guy says, "But I only want chocolate." So, the clerk asks, "If you take the 'van' out of 'vanilla', what's left?" "The guy answers "illa." Then, the clerk asks, "If you take the 'straw' out of 'strawberry', what's left?" The guy answers "berry." Then, the clerk asks "If you take the 'f' out of 'chocolate', what's left?" The guy answers "There is no f'in chocolate!" The clerk says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!" IP: 81.159.155.47 |
