Mine exploration, photographs and mining history for mine explorers, industrial archaeologists, researchers and historians Mine explorer and mining history videos on YouTube Connect with other mine explorers on Facebook
Tip: do not include 'mine' or 'quarry', search by name e.g. 'cwmorthin', use 'Sounds like search' if unsure of spelling

Advanced Search
'Sounds like search'
Quick a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
Tip: narrow down your search by typing more than one word and selecting 'Search for all words' or 'Exact search'

Search for any word
Search for all words
Exact search
Tip: narrow down your search by typing more than one word and selecting 'Search for all words' or 'Exact search'

Search for any word
Search for all words
Exact search

Mine Exploration Forum

Jump to page << < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 > >>
Author Vanoord's a Joke
ICLOK

Avatar of ICLOK

Joined: 19/02/2008
Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North.

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/04/2008 01:15:56
Reply |  Quote
I'll tell that one the lads! Big Grin

--

That's no moon. It's a space station.
IP: 89.241.243.32
Captain Scarlet

Avatar of Captain Scarlet

Joined: 07/03/2007
Location: The Cumbrian Underground

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 17/04/2008 10:25:47
Reply |  Quote
3 women: one engaged, one a mistress, and one married, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night
all three will wear a leather bodice S & M style, stiletto's and a mask
over their eyes .


After a few days they meet again.....


The engaged girlfriend: 'the other night, when my boyfriend came back
home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He
saw me he said: 'you are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we
made love all night long

The mistress: Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office
and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes
and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he did not say
anything.....but we had wild sex all night

The married one: 'the other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers
for the night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and
mask over my eyes....my husband comes back from work, opens the door and
says:................

.......................

'Alright Batman,

what's for dinner...?'



--

Mine exploring can be dangerous, but then again, it can be ok...
IP: 195.8.188.42
ICLOK

Avatar of ICLOK

Joined: 19/02/2008
Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North.

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 17/04/2008 10:40:22
Reply |  Quote
Brilliant..... Here goes.. (you'll get this if you have kids)

TV presenter Mark Speight has been found dead by British Transport Police in Paddington Station....
His body covered in paint and he had been stabbed with a pencil and cut with a pair of Scissors....

Police believe he died of an ART ATTACK Surrender

--

That's no moon. It's a space station.
IP: 78.145.45.234 Edited: 17/04/2008 10:41:27 by ICLOK
Monty Stubble

Avatar of Monty Stubble

Joined: 03/04/2008
Location: , Location, Location

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 17/04/2008 11:50:01
Reply |  Quote
Two parrots sitting on a perch, the one turns to the other and says...
"Can you smell fish?"
IP: 82.31.41.246
Monty Stubble

Avatar of Monty Stubble

Joined: 03/04/2008
Location: , Location, Location

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 17/04/2008 11:52:10
Reply |  Quote
Two snowmen standing in a field, the one says to the other...

"Can you smell carrots?"
IP: 82.31.41.246
ICLOK

Avatar of ICLOK

Joined: 19/02/2008
Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North.

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 17/04/2008 13:10:12
Reply |  Quote
just got sent this by a mate at Virgin....

HEADLINE.......

"Thieves have broken into the station buffet at Crewe, they apparently used Oxy-Acetelene cutting gear to remove the meat centre from the Pork Pies. A network rail spokesman said he 'could not understand how the thieves got away as there was no sign of a low loader or stolen freight train having been used to carry them away'...."

--

That's no moon. It's a space station.
IP: 78.145.45.234
Roy Morton

Avatar of Roy Morton

Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 18/04/2008 03:05:35
Reply |  Quote
Heard this one the other day,

Q; Name three crustacians native to London.
A; Kings crustacian, St Pancrustacian, Charring crustacian.


Yes...I know...Go jam my head in a door.......... Crying

--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 88.104.215.17
royfellows

Avatar of royfellows

Joined: 13/06/2007
Location: Great Wyrley near Walsall

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 18/04/2008 07:53:52
Reply |  Quote
Colonel Mustard wrote:

3 women: one engaged, one a mistress, and one married, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night
all three will wear a leather bodice S & M style, stiletto's and a mask
over their eyes .




You dont have a phone number for any of them by any chance?

--

'There's a lot of activity for a disused mine!' - Bond in 'A view to a kill'
IP: 84.13.131.121
Captain Scarlet

Avatar of Captain Scarlet

Joined: 07/03/2007
Location: The Cumbrian Underground

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 18/04/2008 08:11:11
Reply |  Quote
royfellows wrote:

Colonel Mustard wrote:

3 women: one engaged, one a mistress, and one married, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night
all three will wear a leather bodice S & M style, stiletto's and a mask
over their eyes .




You dont have a phone number for any of them by any chance?


How much you offering ?? Laugh Laugh

--

Mine exploring can be dangerous, but then again, it can be ok...
IP: 195.8.188.42
royfellows

Avatar of royfellows

Joined: 13/06/2007
Location: Great Wyrley near Walsall

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 18/04/2008 14:18:45
Reply |  Quote
Well, there is my charm, humour, mature good looks, and of course my SBS Triple Diving Badge.

--

'There's a lot of activity for a disused mine!' - Bond in 'A view to a kill'
IP: 84.13.131.121
JohnnearCfon

Avatar of JohnnearCfon

Joined: 22/12/2005
Location: Sir Caernarfon

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 18/04/2008 20:00:20
Reply |  Quote
Steve gets home late one night and his wife, Linda says,

"Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a Fifty Pound note on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain.

"Why on earth would an accountant get a Fifty Pound note tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, for one...I like to watch my money grow.
Two...once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three...I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly...instead of you going out wasting money on shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow Fifty quid
anytime you want."


--

Cadwch Cymru'n daclus-Taflwch eich ysbwriel yn LLoeger
IP: 89.240.78.24
Roy Morton

Avatar of Roy Morton

Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/04/2008 02:43:39
Reply |  Quote
Two tourists were driving through Wales at Llanhyfryddawellehynafolybaarcudprinddanfygy. They stopped for lunch and asked the waitress, 'Before we order could you please settle an argument for us, and pronounce where we are.....Very slowly?
The waitress leaned over and said....'Burr-Gurr-King' Shocked

--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 88.104.215.17 Edited: 19/04/2008 02:46:07 by Roy Morton
merddinemrys

Avatar of merddinemrys

Joined: 13/03/2006
Location: Barmouth

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 20/04/2008 20:26:51
Reply |  Quote
A local ish joke - How do Bangor people spell Mississippi?

M aye, double s aye, double s aye, double p aye.

--

Loading up my trebuchet and heading for Harlech!
IP: 81.141.137.170
Roy Morton

Avatar of Roy Morton

Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 21/04/2008 01:51:18
Reply |  Quote
Hell! Thats almost as bad as this one......

A car stops a pedestrian in Camborne and the driver asks, 'Could you tell me if there is a B&Q in Camborne?'
The man pauses and thinks, then says 'Dunno.......But I can Tell ee there's two Rs In Redruth' Laugh

--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 88.104.226.182
ICLOK

Avatar of ICLOK

Joined: 19/02/2008
Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North.

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 21/04/2008 11:27:10
Reply |  Quote
OMIGORD.... kindly leave the stage.... c Surrender

--

That's no moon. It's a space station.
IP: 78.145.118.230
Monty Stubble

Avatar of Monty Stubble

Joined: 03/04/2008
Location: , Location, Location

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 22/04/2008 10:03:49
Reply |  Quote
The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the armed Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook.
Night falls.

First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.

"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.

Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the
trainer.

Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.

"Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.

The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:

"Alright, alright, I'm a f*ckin' rabbit!"
IP: 212.248.240.2
Captain Scarlet

Avatar of Captain Scarlet

Joined: 07/03/2007
Location: The Cumbrian Underground

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 24/04/2008 16:57:11
Reply |  Quote
God said, 'Adam, I
Want you to do
Something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly,
Lord, what do You
Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down
Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to
Him. Then God said,
'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that
To him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill....'

Adam said, 'What is a
Hill?'

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On
The other side of the
Hill you will find a
Cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a
Cave?'

After God explained,
He said, 'In the cave
You will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

So God explained
That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I
Want you to
Reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do
I do that?'

God first said (under
His breath), 'Geez.....'

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down
Into the valley,

Across the river, and
Over the hill, into the
Cave, and finds the
Woman.

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

God, His patience
Wearing thin, said
Angrily, 'What is it
Now?'

And Adam said....


*
*
*
*
*
*

'What's a headache?'

--

The Colonel says : National service will be the making of our youth, but it will ruin the army !
IP: 195.8.188.42
skippy

Joined: 30/03/2008
Location: Shropshire

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 24/04/2008 17:53:52
Reply |  Quote
On the dinosaur theme....


What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Idonthinkhesaurus

What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?

Idonthinkhesaurus rex

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Megasorarse...

Innocent

--

The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth
... but not the Mineral Rights...
IP: 91.84.15.191
Roy Morton

Avatar of Roy Morton

Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/04/2008 04:06:07
Reply |  Quote
A bloke named Simon goes on Stars in Their Eyes, Mathew Kelly notices he's in a wheelchair and asks 'What happened?'
Simon replies 'I was in a car crash with my uncle, he died and I had my legs amputated, but they managed to save my uncles legs and grafted them onto me. In 6 months time I will be able to walk again'
'That's amazing ' says Mathew, now Simon who are you going to be?'
Simon says 'Tonight Mathew I'm going to be..........................................................Simon and Half Uncle!!!!!!

The person that told me this one now occupies a shallow grave on bodmin moor Shocked

--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 88.104.226.182
hymac580c

Avatar of hymac580c

Joined: 28/05/2007
Location: Blaenau Ffestiniog

View Profile
View Posts
View Personal Album
View Personal Files
View all Photos
Send Private Message
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/04/2008 09:21:44
Reply |  Quote
A woman goes into Halfords and says to the man behind the counter.
'My husband wants a plastic 710 cap for a Vauxhall Astra'

The sales assistant was baffled of course. What was she after??

Her husband had lost the oil filler cap on the engine and he remembered it said 710 on it.
But 710 upside down spells 'OIL' and she was after an OIL cap for the Astra. Big Grin

--

Art thou a figment of mine imagination? Or be I one of thine?
IP: 172.159.191.15
Jump to page << < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 > >>
Safety LED Miners Caplamps Moore Books: Specialist Books I.A. Recordings: Mining and Industrial History DVDs Starless River - Caving Store Explore a Disused Welsh Slate Mine
Disclaimer: Mine exploring can be quite dangerous, but then again it can be alright, it all depends on the weather. Please read the proper disclaimer.
© 2005 to 2015 AditNow.co.uk
Top of Page