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Author Vanoord's a Joke
royfellows

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Joined: 13/06/2007
Location: Great Wyrley near Walsall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/01/2017 20:51:40
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Although its only a joke its worth thinking about.

Remember "Audit" as in Auditnow, I used to jest that WW3 would be started by a keyboard error.

Can I use this joke on my website Sinker?

--

"How people get on with these things as a mobile device I cannot begin to imagine, but it certainly explains a lot about peoples behaviour."
IP: 92.23.164.133
sinker

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/01/2017 20:56:53
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royfellows wrote:



Can I use this joke on my website Sinker?



You can have that one on me Roy Thumb Up

--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 109.148.204.184
royfellows

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/01/2017 21:13:44
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Thanks

--

"How people get on with these things as a mobile device I cannot begin to imagine, but it certainly explains a lot about peoples behaviour."
IP: 92.23.164.133
royfellows

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/01/2017 21:20:27
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royfellows wrote:



I used to jest that WW3 would be started by a keyboard error.



Not keyboard error, but pictures of President Trump appearing everywhere; on their side.
Laugh

--

"How people get on with these things as a mobile device I cannot begin to imagine, but it certainly explains a lot about peoples behaviour."
IP: 92.23.164.133
Roy Morton

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Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 20/01/2017 00:04:49
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sinker wrote:

Man sends a text to his next-door neighbour:

“Dave, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt for months and I have to confess something to you. Dave, I have been helping myself to your wife when you're out at work..... I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home.
I can’t live with the guilt and shame any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apologies. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Feeling outraged and betrayed, Dave grabs his shotgun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later Dave gets a second text:

“I really should use spell check! That should be ‘wifi’.”

Laugh Laugh


Nice one mate! LaughLaugh

--

"If whippets int' bath, where's t' coal!?"
IP: 86.189.158.133
ICLOK

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Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 20/01/2017 00:08:13
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excellentLaugh

--

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh Creeper!!!!!
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lozz

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Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/02/2017 14:10:26
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Not mine...hived from another site:

A lawyer was questioning a doctor (a pathologist) about a case:

Now doctor, you certified that Mr. Brown was dead, but what steps did you take to determine that, did you check his pulse ? "No" replies the doctor. Did you check if Mr Brown was breathing ? "No" replies the doctor. Well if you did not check Mr Brown's vital signs, how can you in fact be sure he was deceased? The doctor replies: "because his brain was in a jar on my desk".
At this point the lawyer, exasperated, asks: Notwithstanding the fact that some, or all, of Mr Brown's brain was in a jar on your desk, is there any conceivable chance that Mr Brown could still have been alive? The doctor replies: "yes, in fact he could, he could be alive and well and practicing law"

Lozz.
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sinker

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/10/2017 12:20:21
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Violent crime in multi-storey car parks....


Wrong on so many different levels.

--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 82.132.244.229
Tamarmole

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Location: Tamar Valley

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/10/2017 20:50:30
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A small child told me this today:

Q: Why did Tigger look down the toilet?

A: He was looking for Poo(h)!

IP: 86.133.100.113
TheBogieman

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/10/2017 12:23:30
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Groan... Laugh

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Explorans ad inferos
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ttxela

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/10/2017 12:40:11
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Not a joke so much as an amusing true story;

As some of you may know Mrs T makes a living doing foot treatments from our house. She has also had some recent health problems, one of the results of this is that she often wears elasticated medical tape on her arms, recently she has bought some in different colours and patterns.

She always likes to chat with her patients so while she was working on a rather quiet nervous chap the other day she remembered he had remarked on the colourful tape she had worn last time she saw him and remembered that day she was wearing a camouflage pattern tape. So, she casually remarked to the poor helpless chap in the chair.......

"Have you noticed I'm going commando today" Shocked

Apparently she had heard the phrase but thought it just referred to anything vaguely military...Laugh
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sinker

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/10/2017 15:15:13
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ttxela wrote:



"Have you noticed I'm going commando today" Shocked



Hahahaha brilliant! Thumbs Up





--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 82.132.187.106
Mr.C

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/10/2017 19:55:53
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Puts me in mind of my mates elderly mum. She was asking her neighbour if he was going dogging again, whenever she saw him walking the dog & couldn't understand why he seemed annoyed.
When my mate told her what it meant, she said " Oh, I thought the ladies up the club looked at me funny, when I was telling 'em how much you & the wife enjoyed going dogging".

--

We inhabit an island made of coal, surrounded by a sea full of fish. How can we go wrong.......
IP: 95.145.86.101
AR

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Joined: 07/11/2007
Location: Knot far from Knotlow in the middle of the Peak District

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/10/2017 23:09:36
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On that note, I leave the last word to Dillie Keane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXzaVOk_Ydk

--

Oh God of Sarcasm, thanks for everything...
IP: 80.247.19.183 Edited: 27/10/2017 23:12:02 by AR
Roy Morton

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/10/2017 15:43:37
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Just had another breakthrough!
Bloody pound shop toilet paper

--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 109.145.249.195
Mr.C

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/10/2017 16:29:06
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Roy Morton wrote:

Just had another breakthrough!
Bloody pound shop toilet paper

A great way of getting in touch with your inner self though!

--

We inhabit an island made of coal, surrounded by a sea full of fish. How can we go wrong.......
IP: 95.145.86.101
Roy Morton

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/10/2017 16:40:22
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Mr.C wrote:

Roy Morton wrote:

Just had another breakthrough!
Bloody pound shop toilet paper

A great way of getting in touch with your inner self though!

LaughLaughLaughLaughLaugh

Or should I say Thumbs up Shocked

--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 109.145.249.195
Mr.C

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/10/2017 16:42:54
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Roy Morton wrote:

Mr.C wrote:

Roy Morton wrote:

Just had another breakthrough!
Bloody pound shop toilet paper

A great way of getting in touch with your inner self though!

LaughLaughLaughLaughLaugh

Or should I say Thumbs up Shocked

Please don't !

--

We inhabit an island made of coal, surrounded by a sea full of fish. How can we go wrong.......
IP: 95.145.86.101
ttxela

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2017 10:38:08
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Mr.C wrote:

Puts me in mind of my mates elderly mum. She was asking her neighbour if he was going dogging again, whenever she saw him walking the dog & couldn't understand why he seemed annoyed.
When my mate told her what it meant, she said " Oh, I thought the ladies up the club looked at me funny, when I was telling 'em how much you & the wife enjoyed going dogging".


Laugh brilliant!
IP: 188.39.178.242
sinker

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2017 12:16:22
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I was driving to work this morning and a bloke flagged me down and said "Can you give me a lift?"

So I said "Ok! You look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!"



--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 82.132.238.202
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