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Author Vanoord's a Joke
Wenders

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Joined: 30/06/2007
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 03/09/2007 15:00:38
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Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"



The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

IP: 217.44.11.242
hymac580c

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Joined: 28/05/2007
Location: Blaenau Ffestiniog

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 03/09/2007 21:15:21
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work of course. Smile

--

ADIOS AMIGOS
IP: 195.93.21.71
Clunk

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Joined: 20/01/2007
Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/09/2007 01:25:44
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You lot going on about cow's has reminded me.
About 10 years ago, when I first got internet, I recieved the following picture in an email from............errr, cant remember now. And I have always kept it because to this day, it still makes me laugh. (sad, I know)


(click image to open full size image in new window)

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I like the darkness, the timewarp and the solitude of exploring underground. Seeing the tools that were left as if the workman has just clocked off. Knowing that I am one of a few that will ever see the history, stagnant and untouched. The history in a crane, the skill of cutting the rock. The awe of huge man made caverns. It is a lost world and I am walking through it.
IP: 80.42.191.4 Edited: 04/09/2007 01:26:45 by Clunk
Wenders

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/09/2007 08:51:59
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Clunk.....this is my favourite also Thumbs Up IP: 81.153.33.145
Captain Scarlet

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Joined: 07/03/2007
Location: The Cumbrian Underground

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/09/2007 09:02:45
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Crap jokes...... Ban Me Ban Me Ban Me
-------------------------------------
An elderly couple went to their regular Sunday morning church service.
After a little while an embarrassed Elsie said to Alfred.
"Alfred, I've just done a silent trump, what shall I do?
"Well" said Alfred, on the way home I’ll get you a new battery for your hearing aid!

--

' ...they passed therein with fear and trembling for the rocks were high above their heads and great stones lay around... '
IP: 195.8.188.42
Wenders

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/09/2007 11:30:23
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Nimrod wrote:

Crap jokes...... Ban Me Ban Me Ban Me
-------------------------------------
Ban Me Nimrod from telling jokes Laugh
IP: 217.44.11.242
hymac580c

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/09/2007 20:27:19
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Three convicts on the run . They hide in three sacks in a farmer's barn where there is also a cow sleeping.
Policeman enters and sees movement in the sacks.
So he kicks the first sack, and the first convict shouts 'woof woof'
Policeman says 'it's only a dog sleeping in the sack'
Then he kicks the second sack and the convict shouts 'miaw miaw'
Policeman says 'well it's only a cat sleeping in the sack'
He finaly he kicks the third sack and the convict shouts 'potatoes potatoes'

Well how's that for a crap joke then Wink

--

ADIOS AMIGOS
IP: 195.93.21.71
Captain Scarlet

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/09/2007 23:40:52
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oh dear... Crying

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' ...they passed therein with fear and trembling for the rocks were high above their heads and great stones lay around... '
IP: 81.153.33.145
LAP

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Joined: 04/02/2007
Location: Somewhere between Carnforth/Carn-Ffyrdd, and Milnthorpe.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 06/09/2007 21:14:27
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I love this, made a few people I know laugh haha

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Hylô a shwmae? Dw i'n hoffi chwarelau iawn! Is Chwarelau the plural for chwarel????
IP: 81.77.35.94
stevem

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Joined: 21/08/2006
Location: Wirral

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/09/2007 07:49:23
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After the afore mentioned convicts were re-caught, they were sentenced to death- by firing squad.
When the first was lined up be shot he shouted "hurricane!!", this was just enough distraction to make his escape.
The second convict saw this and when he lined up he shouted "flood!!" and again the firing squad were distracted enough so he could make his escape.
Finally "Mr Patatoes" was lined up and having seen the friends escape had a cunning plan.
When he was lined up he shouted "FIRE!!!"

--

If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory.
IP: 192.171.196.149
Captain Scarlet

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/09/2007 10:18:55
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A wasp expert passed by a record shop. He noticed a sign in the window, ‘Just Released- for the first time on vinyl -Wasps of the World’ Unable to resist, he entered the shop, went to the counter and said, “I'd very much like to listen to the new Vinyl release of wasps advertised in your window." "Step into the booth,” replied the cheery young assistant, “And I'll put it on the headphones for you." Ten minutes later he came out of the booth and said to the assistant, "Young man I am a world expert on wasps and those sounds on the record are most definitely not the sounds that wasps make." "I’m terribly sorry", said the embarrassed young assistant,
"You see I’m new here and not used to vinyl records and I made a mistake.”
“You mean you played me the wrong record?”
“Oh no it was the right record, but I was playing the bee side."

--

' ...they passed therein with fear and trembling for the rocks were high above their heads and great stones lay around... '
IP: 195.8.188.42
Wenders

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/09/2007 13:35:46
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That joke Nimrod is awful Thumb Down Glare IP: 81.153.33.145 Edited: 07/09/2007 13:36:38 by Wenders
Vanoord

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Joined: 28/11/2005
Location: North Wales

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/09/2007 13:44:56
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An angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on
his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there
is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in
here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

--

Filling space until a new signature comes along...
IP: 81.130.216.195
Wenders

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/09/2007 16:09:42
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A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.

The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with **** sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No, of course not!"

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit!
IP: 81.153.33.145
Vanoord

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 18/09/2007 16:27:23
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A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

--

Filling space until a new signature comes along...
IP: 81.130.187.225
Barney

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Joined: 01/12/2005
Location: Warwickshire

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 18/09/2007 21:38:51
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Shocked Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh

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Myfi na dweud Cymraeg
IP: 86.129.245.169
Captain Scarlet

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/09/2007 10:14:58
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A man from Liverpool walks into the local Job Centre, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing benefits. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is £200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well... You started it."


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' ...they passed therein with fear and trembling for the rocks were high above their heads and great stones lay around... '
IP: 195.8.188.42
SimonRL

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Joined: 27/11/2005
Location: North Wales

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/09/2007 10:20:53
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As it's International Talk like a Pirate Day today...

Q) What does a pirte pay for his earrings?
A) A buccaneer

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'It may have been an adit once, but it is not an adit... now'
IP: 83.148.135.213
Captain Scarlet

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/09/2007 10:23:33
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simonrl wrote:

As it's International Talk like a Pirate Day today...

Q) What does a pirte pay for his earrings?
A) A buccaneer


this "Pirte" has had too much rum !!

--

' ...they passed therein with fear and trembling for the rocks were high above their heads and great stones lay around... '
IP: 195.8.188.42
Wenders

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/09/2007 11:45:29
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For Simon Laugh

What do you call a pirate with no eye?

A prate
IP: 217.44.11.242
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