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Mine Exploration Forum

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Author Vanoord's a Joke
lozz

Joined: 03/08/2012
Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/02/2014 18:19:20
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Dog transportation problems?

Coudn't resist this link...

http://www.buckswoodside.com/archives/stories/sterling.html

Lozz.
IP: 86.143.24.196
royfellows

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Joined: 13/06/2007
Location: Great Wyrley near Walsall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/02/2014 18:27:19
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Li Ion transportation problems.

Take a look at DX website for Lithium batteries, we have Trustfire, Ultrafire, Superfire, Kinfire, Singfire, and now the newcomer on the block:
Letterfire

No wonder Royal Mail are worried


--

To fully understand something one must first strip away and discard all that is unnecessary.
IP: 92.24.112.244
sinker

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Joined: 13/12/2010
Location: North Wales.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/02/2014 19:06:07
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lozz wrote:

Dog transportation problems?

Coudn't resist this link...

http://www.buckswoodside.com/archives/stories/sterling.html

Lozz.


Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh

--

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not coming to get you..... IP: 86.180.136.251
lozz

Joined: 03/08/2012
Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/02/2014 19:11:06
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sinker wrote:

lozz wrote:

Dog transportation problems?

Coudn't resist this link...

http://www.buckswoodside.com/archives/stories/sterling.html

Lozz.


Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh


Yeah...It's a classic.

Lozz.
IP: 86.143.24.196
NickPeak

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Joined: 16/08/2010
Location: Derbyshire

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 09/02/2014 09:44:25
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The picture of the 'Porta Pooch' is relevant to this site. There is a similar device in the rear bar of the Mines Tavern at Laxey IOM and labelled as "Miners dog carrier".
Big Grin Big Grin Shocked Shocked

Perhaps we should obtain one for the Mining Museum at Matlock Bath?
IP: 46.64.153.21 Edited: 09/02/2014 09:47:00 by NickPeak
lozz

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 20/02/2014 15:30:17
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What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman...

One's a hero the others an instruction.

Lozz.
IP: 81.151.12.121
royfellows

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/03/2014 17:15:56
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I have just had to purchase a new washing machine after problems with the old.

I was thinking about how naturally some things seem to go together, like wet vacuum cleaners and washing machines, similar to fire extinguishers and Ultrafire lithium batteries.


--

To fully understand something one must first strip away and discard all that is unnecessary.
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Aditaddict

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 25/03/2014 09:18:09
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Yorkshireman goes into a vets , he says
me cats ill
vet says "is it a tom" ?
No yer plank , i brought it with me
.................................................
Yorkshire police are concerned about a new dangerous drug craze , it involves injecting extacy just above the front teeth
They have called it "E by gum"
..................................................
Yorkshiremans dog dies he decides to have a gold statue of him made by a jeweler
Jeweler says eighteen carrat ?
Nah you fool eatin a bone
........................................
Yorkshire man with piles goes into a chemist
"Does thee sell arse cream "?
"Aye lad ,we got Magnums and Cornetto's Thumbs Up
IP: 82.31.126.44
Roy Morton

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Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/03/2014 00:51:23
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Thumbs Up Thumbs Up Thumbs Up

--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 86.132.228.214
RJV

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Location: Cleveland

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/03/2014 12:00:14
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Aditaddict wrote:


Yorkshire police are concerned about a new dangerous drug craze , it involves injecting extacy just above the front teeth
They have called it "E by gum"

Despite having lived in all three corners of the world at various times, I've never actually heard anybody actually use the words, 'ee bah gum'. Is it really a Lancastrian thing I wonder? Off Topic
IP: 82.19.131.200
lozz

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Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/03/2014 12:08:06
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Dunno,

But how do you put a sparkle in to a Yorkshireman's eyes?...

Shine a torch in his ear..

Lozz.
IP: 81.151.203.255
Ty Gwyn

Joined: 30/10/2009
Location: Lampeter

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/03/2014 13:05:11
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lozz wrote:

Dunno,

But how do you put a sparkle in to a Yorkshireman's eyes?...

Shine a torch in his ear..

Lozz.


Nah,it`ll come out the other ear.
IP: 86.158.230.23
lozz

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Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/03/2014 13:18:58
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I like it..

Lozz
IP: 81.151.203.255
sinker

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Location: North Wales.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/03/2014 13:47:51
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RJV wrote:



......I've never actually heard anybody actually use the words, 'ee bah gum'....



Hmmm odd. I have lived in North, Mid or South Wales most of my 45 years and have only ever once heard a Welshman call anyone "Boyo" Confused


Off Topic Off Topic Oops

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Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not coming to get you..... IP: 188.29.210.254
Digit

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 25/04/2014 10:46:19
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Grandad - A Aussie Tearjerker Put To Verse.

Poor old Gran'dads passed away, cut off in his prime,
He never had a day off crook, gone before is time.
We found him in the dunny, collasped there on the seat,
A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet.
The docter said his heart was good, fit as any trout,
The constable had to have his say, 'foul play was not ruled out.
There were theories at the inquest, of snakebite with no trace,
Of redbacks quietly creeping, and death from outer space!
No one had a clue at all, the judge was in some doubt,
When Dad was called to have his say, as to how it came about.
"I reckon i can clear it up", said Dad with trembling breath,
"You see it's quite story, but it could explain his death."
"This 'ere mob had been lookin' at our soil,"
"And they reckoned that our farm, was just the place for oil."
So they come and put a bore down, and said they'd do some trials,
They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles.
Well, they never found a trace of oil, and off they went post haste,
And i couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste.
So, i moved the dunny over it, it looked a proper sight,
But i didn't dream that Grandad, would pass away that night.
Now i reckoned what happened, poor Grandad didn't know,
The dunny was relocated, that night he had to go.
And you'll probably be wondering how poor Grandad did his dash?
Well, he always used to hold his breath........
Until he heard the splash.

--

~~~ The future is not what it used to be ~~~
IP: 78.147.32.113
lozz

Joined: 03/08/2012
Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 20/08/2014 16:18:25
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Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he suffered from an overwhelming desire to put his
manhood in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the
factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up.

He advised Yossel not to do it and that he would eventually find
peace of mind.

The very next day, Yossel decided not to heed the advice, but to
give in to his desire.

He came home from work very early that day.

His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had
happened.

Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his manhood in
the pickle slicer.

He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it,
and was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband.

She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts, only to find a normal,
intact one.

She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle
slicer?"

Yossel replied, "She got fired, too."

Lozz.
IP: 81.159.54.32
Digit

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/08/2014 16:57:10
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A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

Well, husband 1 was an Architect; he kept on telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband 2 was a Computer Manager; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband 3 was a Services Consultant; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband 4 was a Project Manager; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deleiver.

Husband 5 was a Structural Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

Husband 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was .God I miss him!

But now that I've married you, "I'm so excited!"

"Good" said the husband, "but, Why?

"You're an Estate Agent. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get scr**ed!"

--

~~~ The future is not what it used to be ~~~
IP: 78.149.217.216
royfellows

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Location: Great Wyrley near Walsall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/08/2014 22:08:31
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Digit wrote:

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

Well, husband 1 was an Architect; he kept on telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband 2 was a Computer Manager; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband 3 was a Services Consultant; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband 4 was a Project Manager; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deleiver.

Husband 5 was a Structural Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

Husband 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was .God I miss him!

But now that I've married you, "I'm so excited!"

"Good" said the husband, "but, Why?

"You're an Estate Agent. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get scr**ed!"


Comments from Roy
#1 If she thought that an Estate Agent knew how to scr**, she should really have married a solicitor

#2 On the other hand she could have married a builder then all she would get would be promises.

--

As the chairman of six different caving clubs I cant find the time to go underground.
IP: 92.19.51.102
royfellows

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Location: Great Wyrley near Walsall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 11/09/2014 21:47:36
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From 1960s spy movie:

"I need to know what the Chinese are planning"

A: They going to flood the country with cheap LED torches and bike lights
Laugh

--

As the chairman of six different caving clubs I cant find the time to go underground.
IP: 92.24.120.52 Edited: 11/09/2014 21:48:25 by royfellows
Roy Morton

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Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 11/09/2014 23:27:10
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RJV wrote:

Aditaddict wrote:


Yorkshire police are concerned about a new dangerous drug craze , it involves injecting extacy just above the front teeth
They have called it "E by gum"

Despite having lived in all three corners of the world at various times, I've never actually heard anybody actually use the words, 'ee bah gum'. Is it really a Lancastrian thing I wonder? Off Topic


Re-Edit:

The 'ee bah gum' exclamation I have heard used in Wigan Horwich & Bolton, and pretty regularly.
By 'eck is more common though.

--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 86.153.45.123
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