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| Author | Vanoord's a Joke |
JohnnearCfon Joined: 22/12/2005 Location: Sir Caernarfon View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/10/2011 13:23:06 Reply | Quote Finally laid to rest in a sleek white casket, the late Steve Jobs is surrounded by mourners in a massive cathedral. As the afternoon sunlight shines down on him through intricate stained glass revealing a beautiful spectrum of colours, Mr. Jobs will be remembered in death as he was in life..... Overshadowed by Windows. IP: 78.150.132.204 |
Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/10/2011 23:22:47 Reply | Quote The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable. Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.  -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.178.19.138 |
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Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/10/2011 23:42:58 Reply | Quote Two more I'm afraid; I met a girl in a pub last night and we ended up going back to her house. After a few more drinks, we started kissing and having a bit of foreplay on the sofa. She looked at me and said, "Let's take this upstairs." I said, "Okay, you grab one end and I'll grab the other." ---------------------------------------------------------- The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile inn. -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.178.19.138 |
SimonRL Joined: 27/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 11/10/2011 20:15:55 Reply | Quote Roy Morton wrote: The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable. Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.  Excellent, thanks!-- Half the lies you tell ain't true IP: 86.171.211.220 |
Llion Joined: 03/08/2006 Location: Ffestiniog/Mochdre View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 11/10/2011 20:43:17 Reply | Quote stevem wrote: Im sure there's a joke somewhere about FOC, lightbulbs, people moaning about being kept in the dark when the bulb was always free for anyone to change anytime.... Cant think of a punchline though yeah man we're avin that  fuckin pissed meself haha IP: 92.4.97.197 |
Lister Joined: 07/10/2007 Location: Helsby, Cheshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 11/10/2011 21:01:50 Reply | Quote Paul McCartney is going to be real pissed off when he finds out his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as the last one!!!! ....Lister;~) -- 'Adventure is just bad planning' Roald Amundsen IP: 92.29.197.70 |
sinker Joined: 13/12/2010 Location: North Wales. View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 12/10/2011 06:42:33 Reply | Quote Lister wrote: Paul McCartney is going to be real pissed off when he finds out his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as the last one!!!! ....Lister;~) -- O'r graig, egni. |
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Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/10/2011 01:58:07 Reply | Quote I didn't know whether to stop two little ducks falling to their deaths or not. It was a catch-22 situation -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.178.19.138 |
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Yorkshireman Joined: 23/06/2011 Location: Hanover, Germany View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/10/2011 10:13:48 Reply | Quote A rabbi and a priest on a hot day: "Let's go for a swim to cool off" "No swimming trunks" "Once you're in the water, no one will notice" Splash! Splash! After their swim, they lie on the grass to dry out in the sun - suddenly a group of young women and small children from their congregations appears. The Rabbi hides his face in his hands and the priest covers his nether regions. The Rabbi says, "That's funny, the women and kids in my congregation know me by my face" IP: 93.199.49.89 |
ICLOK Joined: 19/02/2008 Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North. View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/10/2011 01:35:14 Reply | Quote Turn to Cod..... And become a Prawn again Crustacean! -- As politically correct as a Nuremberg Rally IP: 78.150.175.137 |
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Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/10/2011 01:50:35 Reply | Quote ICLOK wrote: Turn to Cod..... And become a Prawn again Crustacean! Thats almost as bad as this one; Q - Name 3 crustaceans that are native to London A - St Pancrustacean , Kings Crustacean, Charing Crustacean. Steps sideways into shallow grave and waits for the next death........... -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.178.19.138 |
hymac580c Joined: 28/05/2007 Location: Blaenau Ffestiniog View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 16/10/2011 23:22:14 Reply | Quote How many annimals can you find in a pair of ladies tights?? 2 Calfs 1Beaver 1Ass 1Pussy countless hares the occasional brain and one dead fish no one can find -- I'r pant yr rhed y dwr. IP: 195.93.21.71 |
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JohnnearCfon Joined: 22/12/2005 Location: Sir Caernarfon View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 22/10/2011 19:48:31 Reply | Quote Gadaffi admits being killed in a drain is not his best day but vows to fight on Gadaffi admits being killed in a drain is not his best day but vows to fight on Colonel Gadaffi vowed to fight on last night at the end of an eventful day that had already seen him shot to death. The Libyan dictator took time out while being dragged along the streets of Sirte to say that despite being been chased into a drain and killed, it had “otherwise been a pretty nice day”. He pledged eternal damnation to rebels, assured supporters that his grip on power was as firm as ever and said that he was looking forward to Christmas. “I always get excited when I see who’s playing Captain Hook at the Tripoli Hippodrome,” declared Gadaffi, as his lifeless body was hauled around his hometown. “I’m as strong as I’ve ever been. You don’t see many 69-year-olds like me. Go on, punch me in the stomach.” The late despot said he saw death as “much-needed me time” in which he would have space to consider the “glorious future direction of my beautiful country”. “I've been under a lot of strain – right now I think I might just lie around a bit.” A National Transitional Council fighter told The Daily News he had found Gaddafi hiding in a drain and was begged not to shoot. After killing the deposed leader, he took his golden gun, which Gadaffi now says he wants back. “If I see it on e-Bay I’m not ruling out a very strongly worded letter,” he said. 
IP: 78.144.92.143
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Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 23/10/2011 03:25:44 Reply | Quote I was fortunate enough to be invited to a garden party at the home of Engalnd international goalkeeper David Seaman. I had a great time and he introduced me to his son and later on I met his father. For me, this was a truly religious experience having met the father, the son and the goalie host.  -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.178.19.138 Edited: 23/10/2011 20:07:19 by Roy Morton |
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ICLOK Joined: 19/02/2008 Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North. View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 23/10/2011 19:05:11 Reply | Quote And you said mine was bad!! -- As politically correct as a Nuremberg Rally IP: 78.150.158.143 |
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lyndonb Joined: 13/10/2010 Location: Heamoor View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 23/10/2011 21:50:32 Reply | Quote Courtesy of Tim Vine: Uncle Ben is dead.... No more Mr. Rice guy... IP: 2.221.227.198 |
agricola Joined: 28/10/2007 Location: In a book View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/10/2011 10:02:44 Reply | Quote I was sent this one by a mate: Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded..' The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.' The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have some stuff left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would.' But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable!' -- If it can't be grown it has to be mined. IP: 81.137.244.112 |
Morlock Joined: 31/07/2008 View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/10/2011 20:15:47 Reply | Quote
IP: 82.26.194.166
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lyndonb Joined: 13/10/2010 Location: Heamoor View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/10/2011 22:53:47 Reply | Quote
IP: 2.221.227.198
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Monty Stubble Joined: 03/04/2008 Location: , Location, Location View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2011 08:24:54 Reply | Quote I never liked Jimmy Savile. 35 years ago I wrote to him saying "Dear Jim, could you fix it for me for Manchester City to be top of the league" He curtly replied "Over my dead body" -- The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools, but the gentle touches of air and water working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time. Henry David Thoreau IP: 82.14.63.79 |
