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Author Vanoord's a Joke
Roy Morton

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Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/09/2011 00:27:38
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1st Atom - Oh my god! I think I've just lost an electron!

2nd Atom - Are You sure?

1st Atom - Yes I'm positive!

Well.....I like it anyway. Laugh Laugh Laugh



--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 81.151.43.2
agricola

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Joined: 28/10/2007
Location: In a book

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/09/2011 09:48:28
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Try this one ...

A woodpecker flies into a pub and asks is the bar tender here ?

--

If it can't be grown it has to be mined.
IP: 2.24.68.78
Roy Morton

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Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/09/2011 15:29:40
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Horses, ducks, or penguins in pubs........My kind of humour!!! Thumb Up
Our mutual geologist friends Mr. K. had some gooduns.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fish.
Big Grin

--

'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear'
IP: 81.151.43.2
Wormster

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Joined: 15/08/2006
Location: Top of the Mendip Hills

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/09/2011 15:57:24
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Running with the Lightbulb theme:

How many Army officers does it take to change a light bulb?

2, I to hold the drinks tray, the other to hold the step ladder for the sargent.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !"
and throw his hat in the air.

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.

Badum Tish!!

--

Better to regret something you have done - than to regret something you have not done.
IP: 86.189.12.51
sinker

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Joined: 13/12/2010
Location: North Wales.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 27/09/2011 16:14:13
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How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?


Only one........but the lightbulb has got to really WANT to change.

Roll Eyes

--

Give yerselves up lads.....you're surrounded.....
IP: 217.44.200.85 Edited: 27/09/2011 18:22:41 by sinker
blackshiver

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Joined: 08/06/2008
Location: Teesside

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 00:02:06
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Being a scientist I often get asked very difficult questions over the phone.
The other day a highly distressed lady rang me at the office to tell me she had only driven her car a mile from her house and it had broken down. She had walked back to her house and found her husband in bed with their 19 year old babysitter.
I told her the main reason for cars breaking down so close to home was a blocked fuel filter and not to worry about it.
IP: 82.10.241.121
Edd

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Joined: 02/07/2008
Location: Alderley Edge

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 14:03:35
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I am so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a call centre in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

--

'having a spiffing adventure underground!'
IP: 86.160.194.106
stevem

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Joined: 21/08/2006
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 14:10:17
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I used to work for the Samaritans....
I rang in sick one morning and they talked me out of it!

--

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
IP: 192.171.196.149
ICLOK

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Joined: 19/02/2008
Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 14:34:43
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How many people on Aditnow does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change 3 or 4 to test it and 4 different posts and thousands of comments to debate it...... Ta Da! Devil

--

Beware the Frankendoodle
IP: 78.144.162.69
stevem

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 15:49:00
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How many people does it take for people on Darkplaces to change a lightbulb on UKCaving?
NONE...there all banned Ban Me

--

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
IP: 192.171.196.149
SimonRL

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Joined: 27/11/2005
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 16:29:04
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stevem wrote:

How many people does it take for people on Darkplaces to change a lightbulb on UKCaving?
NONE...there all banned Ban Me


That'll be why it's dark then Wink Laugh

--

You no worry about saftey. It no cause explosion yet.
IP: 95.148.0.198
ICLOK

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 17:04:34
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When we asked 28DL... How many people on 28DL does it take to change a light bulb.... "what's a light bulb" was the reply Cool

--

Beware the Frankendoodle
IP: 78.144.162.69 Edited: 28/09/2011 17:05:37 by ICLOK
Wormster

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Joined: 15/08/2006
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 17:21:56
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ICLOK wrote:

When we asked 28DL... How many people on 28DL does it take to change a light bulb.... "what's a light bulb" was the reply Cool


NONONONONONONONONONO!

They don't change lightbulbs!

1 photographs the dead lightbulb, then sticks the photo online, and then the rest w**k off about how good the photo is!

--

Better to regret something you have done - than to regret something you have not done.
IP: 109.144.208.54 Edited: 28/09/2011 17:30:24 by Wormster
ICLOK

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 17:51:17
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Surrender Thumbs Up

--

Beware the Frankendoodle
IP: 78.144.162.69
Edd

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/09/2011 20:49:38
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Wormster wrote:

ICLOK wrote:

When we asked 28DL... How many people on 28DL does it take to change a light bulb.... "what's a light bulb" was the reply Cool


NONONONONONONONONONO!

They don't change lightbulbs!

1 photographs the dead lightbulb, then sticks the photo online, and then the rest w**k off about how good the photo is!


Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh

--

'having a spiffing adventure underground!'
IP: 86.26.91.158
Aditaddict

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/09/2011 08:08:46
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A large white horse walks into a pub
and asks for a pint of bitter
The landlord says "Hey we have a whiskey here named after you "
Horse says "What Eric" ?
IP: 81.109.226.72
stevem

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Joined: 21/08/2006
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/09/2011 10:01:58
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Im sure there's a joke somewhere about FOC, lightbulbs, people moaning about being kept in the dark when the bulb was always free for anyone to change anytime....
Cant think of a punchline though

--

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
IP: 192.171.196.149
ICLOK

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 04/10/2011 10:38:09
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A man goes into a bar and drinks beer. After every glass of beer he pulls a picture out of his pocket and looks at it. After the 4th beer the waiter asks him why after every glass of beer he pulls the picture out and looks at it

Then the man says: It's a picture of my wife.
When she looks good to me I'm going home. Blush


--

As politically correct as a Nuremberg Rally
IP: 78.150.159.46
derrickman

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 05/10/2011 09:55:12
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how many Cheltenham Ladies' College girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one... she stands and holds the bulb and the world revolves around her....

--

''the stopes soared beyond the range of our caplamps' - David Bick...... How times change .... oh, I don't know, I've still got a lamp like that.
IP: 86.30.241.199
ICLOK

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 05/10/2011 10:32:35
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Two employees from a sign company were labelling up the ECCLES AND POLLOCK building, the guy up the ladder reaches down to his mate and says "just the P in Pollock to go" .... his mate says "well we only have a B and we cant put BOLLOCK!!"

"No you're right" says the guy on the ladder, " But I'm more concerned about the mess we've made of the LONDON BRICK COMPANY"

--

As politically correct as a Nuremberg Rally
IP: 78.150.159.46
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