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| Author | Vanoord's a Joke |
JohnnearCfon Joined: 22/12/2005 Location: Sir Caernarfon View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 19/11/2010 11:02:52 Reply | Quote Kate goes to the Queen and says "Every time I suck Williams' knob I get acid indigestion" The Queen replies "Have you tried Andrews?" IP: 92.26.177.193 |
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JohnnearCfon Joined: 22/12/2005 Location: Sir Caernarfon View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 11/12/2010 19:35:01 Reply | Quote Al qaeda's planned Television Guide (For when they take over) ------------------------ 6.00: G-Had TV. Morning prayers. 8.30: Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher. 9.00: Shouts of Praise. More prayers. 10.00: The Apprentice. Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army. 11.00: Jihad's Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion fail to repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels. 12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects. 12.30: Panoramadan. The programme reports on america's attempts to take over the world. 13.30: Xena. Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking. 14.00: Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas. 14.30: Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed. 15.00: Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.' 15.30: I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols. 16.00: Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders. 16.30: Countdown. Can the american prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down? 17.00: Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery. 17.30: Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour. 18.00: Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again. 18.30: Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running? 19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council? 20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women. 21.30: Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week? 22.00: Imam Ted. Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol. 22.30: Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel. 23.30: They think it's Allah over. Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round. Midnight: When Imams Attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot. 00:.30: The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories. 01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer. 02.00: A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again. IP: 78.150.251.158 |
hymac580c Joined: 28/05/2007 Location: Blaenau Ffestiniog View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/01/2011 22:04:34 Reply | Quote My new year resolution this year is to continue as I am because I can do no better. But I have promised my wife that I will try not to fart when I am in bed as she does not like the smell  .-- I'r pant yr rhed y dwr. IP: 195.93.21.39 |
Monty Stubble Joined: 03/04/2008 Location: , Location, Location View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/02/2011 21:20:08 Reply | Quote Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ... "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick *******.” -- The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools, but the gentle touches of air and water working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time. Henry David Thoreau IP: 86.24.25.218 |
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Monty Stubble Joined: 03/04/2008 Location: , Location, Location View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 07/02/2011 21:22:27 Reply | Quote I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids isn't a good product name -- The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools, but the gentle touches of air and water working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time. Henry David Thoreau IP: 86.24.25.218 |
Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/02/2011 04:18:34 Reply | Quote Paddy shouts upstairs to Mick, "did you find the shampoo Mick?" Mick replies, " Yeah but it's fer dry hair, an I just fekkin wet mine!" -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.147.243.87 |
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JohnnearCfon Joined: 22/12/2005 Location: Sir Caernarfon View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 01/03/2011 13:50:37 Reply | Quote This is funny:- How do I get this to work properly? Tried various permutations! IP: 95.148.14.133 Edited: 04/03/2011 19:05:00 by (moderator) |
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JohnnearCfon Joined: 22/12/2005 Location: Sir Caernarfon View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 05/07/2011 13:33:38 Reply | Quote Looking for an insurance company to cover you for injuries during sex? Then the following list should help. SEX with your wife - Legal & general SEX with your future wife - Mutual Trust SEX with your secretary - Employers Liability SEX with a prostitute - Commercial Union SEX on the telephone - Direct line SEX with your biographer - Quote me happy SEX in a hurry- Insure & go SEX with your boyfriend -Standard life SEX with a transvestite - Confused . com SEX with someone different - Go compare . com SEX with an animal - Compare the meerkat . com SEX with a fat bird - More Than SEX on the back seat - Sheila's Wheels SEX with an o.a..p - Saga SEX with a posh bird - Privilege .com SEX with a sheep - National Farmers Union  IP: 92.26.181.42 |
Lister Joined: 07/10/2007 Location: Helsby, Cheshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 05/07/2011 19:01:10 Reply | Quote I met a beauiful woman by the lake the other day, there was an immediate spark between us and she fell to my feet & as we lay there together making love I thought to myself...... these bloody tazers are well worth the money  .....Lister;~) -- 'Adventure is just bad planning' Roald Amundsen IP: 78.150.225.129 |
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Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 25/07/2011 03:38:14 Reply | Quote A young guy pulls an older woman at a club. She's 58 but looks pretty well kept for her age. On the way back to her house the bloke is thinking, 'mmmm! I bet her daughter is really hot' when out of the blue she asks if he would like a 'Sportsman's Double' "Whats that?" he asks. "Its a mother and daughter threesome" she replies. It's a no brainer. "WOW! YES PLEASE" he says, so as they go in her front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts upstairs, "Get your teeth in mother he's up for it"  -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.144.208.201 |
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Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 25/07/2011 03:55:16 Reply | Quote The other day my wife asked me where I'd like to be buried. Apparently face down between Cheryl Cole's legs was not the answer she was expecting. -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.144.208.201 Edited: 25/07/2011 04:31:14 by Roy Morton |
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Roy Morton Joined: 09/10/2007 Location: Redruth Cornwall View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 05/09/2011 00:05:23 Reply | Quote In deference to ethnic majorities, English weather will now become Muslim weather. In other words, partly Suuni, but mostly Shi'ite. -- 'Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear' IP: 86.178.18.175 |
stuey Joined: 15/08/2007 View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 05/09/2011 00:23:01 Reply | Quote JohnnearCfon wrote: Kate goes to the Queen and says "Every time I suck Williams' knob I get acid indigestion" The Queen replies "Have you tried Andrews?" Why hasn't Prince Charles got a blue dick? Because he can't stick it in Di. IP: 84.93.181.253 |
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Lister Joined: 07/10/2007 Location: Helsby, Cheshire View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/09/2011 22:07:28 Reply | Quote I was really shocked to the point of disbelief recently to find out that my father had been stealing from his job as a council road worker but when I got home all the signs where there....... ....Lister;~) -- 'Adventure is just bad planning' Roald Amundsen IP: 89.243.129.24 |
sinker Joined: 13/12/2010 Location: North Wales. View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/09/2011 09:24:47 Reply | Quote Vanoord wrote: A miner in South Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate: "I'm knackered, who'll want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says: "Try Paul McCartney!" Paul McCartney has finalised his divorce from Heather Mills. He paid her £10 million in cash, £2 million a year for life and gave her a mansion in Los Angeles. He also gave her the use of his plane. But she's still going to use Imac on the other leg. -- Give yerselves up lads.....you're surrounded..... |
ICLOK Joined: 19/02/2008 Location: Ripley, Derbyshire up North. View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/09/2011 08:36:23 Reply | Quote I was at the Gym today when I noticed a hole in my trainer about big enough to put my finger in, which I did.... she made a formal complaint and I've got a life ban! -- Beware the Frankendoodle IP: 78.144.162.69 |
SimonRL Joined: 27/11/2005 Location: North Wales View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/09/2011 08:38:22 Reply | Quote The barman says "we dont serve your kind in here" A neutrino walks into a bar -- You no worry about saftey. It no cause explosion yet. IP: 95.148.0.91 |
stevem Joined: 21/08/2006 Location: Wirral View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/09/2011 14:52:09 Reply | Quote  going to pinch that.... -- May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch. IP: 192.171.196.149 |
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sinker Joined: 13/12/2010 Location: North Wales. View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/09/2011 18:17:46 Reply | Quote simonrl wrote: The barman says "we dont serve your kind in here" A neutrino walks into a bar Very good!Hey.....seeing as I "donated" a joke to you on Thursday night, can I keep this one?  -- Give yerselves up lads.....you're surrounded..... |
Mr Mike Joined: 09/06/2007 Location: Bury - In The Laboratory View Profile View Posts View Personal Album View Personal Files View all Photos Send Private Message |
Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/09/2011 18:52:55 Reply | Quote A neutron walks in to a bar and orders a drink. How much for that he asks the bar man. To his surprise the barman reply's, no charge for you. -- Mr Mike www.mineexplorer.org.uk IP: 79.70.71.241 |
