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Mine Exploration Forum

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Author Vanoord's a Joke
Vanoord

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Joined: 28/11/2005
Location: North Wales

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:33:49
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Friday's joke comes care of the Old Jokes Home:

Q: What's got three wheels and drives along the
bottom of the riverbed?

A: A motorpike and sidecarp.

--

Herein lives the signature of vanoord...
IP: 81.148.18.102
Captain Scarlet

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Joined: 07/03/2007
Location: The Cumbrian Underground

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:37:18
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Ah Dear ..... Someone should come and throw stones at you !!

--

'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !'
IP: 195.8.188.42
Vanoord

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:41:34
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Just for you Nimrod:

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain,they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,"But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

--

Herein lives the signature of vanoord...
IP: 81.148.18.102
Captain Scarlet

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/06/2007 09:47:23
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Laugh Thats Awfull.. . Laugh
Here...
Harry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Betty that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Harry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I have only 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Betty agreed and again they made love. Later, Harry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Betty's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Harry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Harry, I'm not being funny...but,
I have to get up in the morning and you don't."

--

'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !'
IP: 195.8.188.42
LAP

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Joined: 04/02/2007
Location: Somewhere between Carnforth/Carn-Ffyrdd, and Milnthorpe.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 09/06/2007 20:06:57
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Totally evil...

--

CROESO
IP: 84.64.190.110
Vanoord

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 17:13:37
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Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who went to a toga party dressed as a goat?

--

Herein lives the signature of vanoord...
IP: 81.130.141.115
Captain Scarlet

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 18:05:46
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Two fish in a tank. One says to the other : "Flippin' 'eck, I can't drive this ! "

--

'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !'
IP: 81.155.180.138
Barney

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Joined: 01/12/2005
Location: Warwickshire

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 19:50:27
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Heard in a convent:

"Candles out girls ... "

Shluuuuurp POP
Oh My God

--

A hole's a goal!
IP: 86.148.210.232
Barney

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 19:52:23
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Vanoord wrote:

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who went to a toga party dressed as a goat?


Would this be the same bloke that choked and died on his own vimto ???

--

A hole's a goal!
IP: 86.148.210.232
SimonRL

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Joined: 27/11/2005
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 19:59:55
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Barney wrote:

Vanoord wrote:

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who went to a toga party dressed as a goat?


Would this be the same bloke that choked and died on his own vimto ???


And took up devil worship and sold his soul to santa?

--

Excellent Stuff!
IP: 62.136.159.48
Barney

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 13/06/2007 20:33:48
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And became a pimp and bought a warehouse !

--

A hole's a goal!
IP: 86.148.210.232
stevem

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Joined: 21/08/2006
Location: Wirral

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 08:30:36
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And the dyslexic insomniac agnostic who stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog Crying

--

If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory.
IP: 192.171.196.149
merddinemrys

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Joined: 13/03/2006
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 08:32:32
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God guys! Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff Ba-dum. Chh IP: 86.145.82.102
Barney

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 10:26:21
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Taxi for Merddinemrys please! Laugh

--

A hole's a goal!
IP: 86.148.210.232
Captain Scarlet

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 11:00:18
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One for Barney Big Grin

A routine police patrol parked outside a pub in Glasgow. After last orders the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the wipers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the car park empty, he pulled away and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and approached the car carrying a breathalyzer test kit. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the station. My equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it", said the truly proud Glaswegian,"tonight officer, I'm the designated decoy."

--

'Whats wrong with getting wet ? You wont rust !'
IP: 195.8.188.42
Barney

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 14/06/2007 11:17:34
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Excellent! Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh

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A hole's a goal!
IP: 86.148.210.232
Vanoord

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Joined: 28/11/2005
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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/06/2007 12:11:58
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A penguin walks into a bar, and says to the barman,
"My brother was in here earlier, have you seen him?"

The barman replies, "I don't know.
What does he look like?"

--

Herein lives the signature of vanoord...
IP: 81.136.53.22
Barney

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/06/2007 12:14:42
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Vanoord wrote:

A penguin walks into a bar,

And breaks his beak!

--

A hole's a goal!
IP: 86.148.210.232
Vanoord

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Joined: 28/11/2005
Location: North Wales

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 15/06/2007 19:41:05
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3 ducks are sitting by a pond
One says 'quack'
The second says 'I was just going to say that'
The third one says '**** me, talking ducks'

--

'Finally someone with some sense and knowledge posting on these boards' - 'You shouldn't be on this forum, far too sensible and intelligent' - 'Great post Vanoord. Best read of the day.' - 'Nicely put together there Vanoord.' This can mean only one thing: Vanoord is utterly delusional IP: 81.136.53.22 Edited: 15/06/2007 19:41:48 by Vanoord
merddinemrys

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 16/06/2007 22:28:01
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A guy walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for chocolate ice cream. The clerk says "I'm sorry. We're all out of chocolate. Would you like another flavor?" So, the guy says, "Ok. I'll have chocolate." The clerk says, "Look, I told you that we don't have any left. Pick another flavor." So, the guy says, "I want chocolate ice cream, not anything else. Give me some." So, the clerk says "I told you: We done have any more. Try something else." So, the guy says, "But I only want chocolate." So, the clerk asks, "If you take the 'van' out of 'vanilla', what's left?" "The guy answers "illa." Then, the clerk asks, "If you take the 'straw' out of 'strawberry', what's left?" The guy answers "berry." Then, the clerk asks "If you take the 'f' out of 'chocolate', what's left?" The guy answers "There is no f'in chocolate!" The clerk says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!" IP: 81.159.155.47
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