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Author Vanoord's a Joke
Roy Morton

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Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2017 17:07:00
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Gender designation

XX = Female
XY = Male
YYY = Delilah

--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 86.152.85.51
sinker

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Joined: 13/12/2010
Location: North Wales.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2017 17:18:41
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Mathematician's answerphone message:

"The number you have dialled is imaginary. Please replace the handset, rotate the phone through 90 degrees and try again."


If you don't immediately fall about laughing then you may need to Google it....... Smartass



--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 109.156.133.43
Roy Morton

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Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2017 17:54:40
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Oooooh that's deep....
Black magic afoot !

--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 86.152.85.51
sinker

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2017 20:23:13
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Roy Morton wrote:

Oooooh that's deep....
Black magic afoot !


Wink

--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 82.132.241.247
Mr.C

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Joined: 23/03/2008
Location: North Staffordshire

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 30/10/2017 22:29:57
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How about the Medieval phone announcements.
"The castle you're storming is unassailable, please try later"
Or
"Please hold, the bear you are goring knows you are baiting."

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We inhabit an island made of coal, surrounded by a sea full of fish. How can we go wrong.......
IP: 95.145.86.101 Edited: 30/10/2017 22:33:18 by Mr.C
Roy Morton

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Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/11/2017 17:22:00
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3.00pm. Going for a digital prostate exam. Wow technology has really moved on.

3.15. Technology really needs to move on.

--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 109.145.249.136
lozz

Joined: 03/08/2012
Location: Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/11/2017 17:52:05
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sinker wrote:


Mathematician's answerphone message:

"The number you have dialled is imaginary. Please replace the handset, rotate the phone through 90 degrees and try again."


If you don't immediately fall about laughing then you may need to Google it....... Smartass



Nah... Don't rotate..."Phone j the operator" Smile

Lozz.
IP: 86.184.130.144
sinker

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 08/11/2017 19:07:16
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lozz wrote:

sinker wrote:



"The number you have dialled is imaginary. Please replace the handset, rotate the phone through 90 degrees and try again."



Nah... Don't rotate..."Phone j the operator" Smile

Lozz.


Laugh Laugh Nice one, very good.

"If j is +ve, advance the phase of the phasor by 90 degrees" always sounded more like a line from Star Trek rather than from an electronics lecture. Laugh




--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 109.156.133.43
Roy Morton

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Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 25/11/2017 00:07:46
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I thought about posting a joke about sodium hydride....and then I thought NaH....!

--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 86.152.85.38
Roy Morton

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 17/01/2018 23:57:46
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Seen elsewhere -


I got so drunk last night I started a fight with a mop.

To be fair I wiped the floor with him.
--------------------------------------------------------
I scared the postman today by going to the door naked.

I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
------------------------------------------------------
I saw a group of neighbours jogging past my house last night and it really inspired me to get up and close the curtains.
-----------------------------------------------------
What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.
-----------------------------------------------------
My wife accused me of having an affair with a girl from
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

How could she say that?
---------------------------------------------------
Went to the gym & there's a new machine.
I used it for an hour & felt sick...

It's good though, it does everything!

Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers.







--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 86.171.119.75
JohnnearCfon

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Joined: 22/12/2005
Location: Sir Caernarfon

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 21/01/2018 13:03:10
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I met this girl at a party last night. She said people call her Vivaldi.

"Is that because you're a brilliant violinist?" I asked.

"No", she said. "My name is Viv and I work at Aldi".......
IP: 86.164.64.27
Willy Eckerslyke

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Joined: 03/11/2011
Location: Anglesey

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 21/01/2018 13:14:56
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JohnnearCfon wrote:

"No", she said. "My name is Viv and I work at Aldi".......


Laugh

Reminds me of the chap they all called Wil Tibet. When the young apprentice asked if he'd been a mountaineer, the old lags chuckled and said no, they called him that because he spent so much time round Bet's house.
IP: 87.113.13.224
sinker

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Joined: 13/12/2010
Location: North Wales.

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 21/01/2018 14:23:35
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Willy Eckerslyke wrote:

JohnnearCfon wrote:

"No", she said. "My name is Viv and I work at Aldi".......


Laugh

Reminds me of the chap they all called Wil Tibet. When the young apprentice asked if he'd been a mountaineer, the old lags chuckled and said no, they called him that because he spent so much time round Bet's house.




Or the old labourer from Llangefni.....
A university graduate, who assumed everyone went away on holiday every year, asked the labourer where he was going, and was impressed to hear that he was going to Istanbul for two weeks.
Then it was explained that:

"Dwi mynd i ista'n "Bull" am pythefnos"

didn't mean the same thing!

www.llangefni.org/businesses/bull-hotel







--

Ah, well, now, you see.... IP: 109.157.143.162
Roy Morton

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Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 26/02/2018 22:56:39
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Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 86.171.119.30
Roy Morton

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Joined: 09/10/2007
Location: Redruth Cornwall

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Vanoord's a Joke
Posted: 28/02/2018 01:13:15
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I love this one Thumbs Up


Duck walks into a bar...

"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"No...and if you ask me again i'll nail your beak to the bar"
"Got any nails?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"


--

"You Chinese think of everything!" "But I''m not Chinese!" "Then you must have forgotten something!"
IP: 86.171.119.30 Edited: 28/02/2018 01:13:44 by Roy Morton
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